In addition to my post (below), check out Kristen Fast's post here. Her reflections and experiences are woven into my story. This section of her post so resonated:
“Just as the biological immune system will destroy a life-saving skin graft with the same vigor with which it fights pneumonia, so will a cultural immune system fight off a beneficial new kind of understanding…with the same kind of vigor it uses to destroy crime.”
Quote (above) from Robert Pirsig (Lila: An Inquiry Into Morals)
[When] one find’s oneself in such a marginal space and category, how is one to live healthfully? How can such a person...okay I (might as well say what I’m thinking) stay true to my thoughts and experiences and intuitions without becoming embittered in the face of all that pushes against my doing so, or isolated from relationships with those more comfortably standing on dominant lines, or full of condescension and ego...?
Here's a section from my journal:
I increasingly found myself mentally and emotionally disengaging. I increasingly found myself self-censoring (feeling unable to “be” or to express who I am as a human being and as a Jesus-follower). I refer to it as “leaving 90% of who I am at the door when I’m a part of church gatherings and meetings.”
I reflected long and hard on the significant absence of shared experiences, the absence of common ‘worlds’ inhabited by others and me. I increasingly felt out of place as my reading, my life-experiences, my networks, and my reading of the Jesus-story failed to resonate in any meaningful way with the overwhelming majority of others in the congregation. I increasingly felt like a square peg in a round hole; felt increasingly that I was regarded as the wrong ‘shape’. I found it increasingly difficult and to be myself or to share my thinking and passion, my learning and experiences, and ultimately my Jesus-following journey and the direction that journey was taking me in. It just got all too hard and uncomfortable, particularly when my level of discomfort was met by anger.