HERE I am – a reflection on being gratefully and thankfully present

Paul writes - What follows is more for me than for any particular reader who might chance upon it. I want to record it.

One of my continuing struggles has been around whether to stay here in Cambridge, so it was a more than passing interest when in a recent time of contemplative prayer I engaged with Exodus 3:1-6; 13-15. I was particularly struck by Moses response to God – “HERE I am” – here not there, Auckland, Christchurch, Melbourne, Cambridge (UK), London etc – here in Cambridge, New Zealand. This place where I am living is “holy ground” for God is here just as much as he is there. This “now,” this “place” is holy ground…the present moment, not “when” or “over there” is sacrament.

Having recently read Steve Georgiou’s wonderful book, The Way of the Dreamcatcher, I thought also of Poet / Mystic Robert Lax (see my post on him here) and his choosing to live on the small Greek island of Patmos for the last 35-years of his life. I thought of Thomas Merton and monks more generally who choose to take a vow of stability and stay in one small place 

Perhaps I need to struggle less and ask for eyes to see and the courage to join in on what God is doing in this place?

In the course of that extended time of reflection and listening, I opened a book by Joyce Rupp (Out of the Ordinary – Prayers, Poems, and Reflections for Every Season) and read the following reflection entitled “When”:

“In one of his journal notations Thomas Merton writes that we are always thinking that our life will be truly happy “when.” We are not satisfied with what is currently our situation because we have it in our mind that our life won’t be happy until something else occurs: when I have one more thing I want, when I get rid of that personality flaw of mine, when I can finally have the life I’ve always dreamed of, when I am truly successful, when I learn to pray better, [when I do this or that], when, when, when…

Waiting for the “when” keeps me from appreciating what I now have. Longing for promises and dreaming dreams is not a harmful deed as long as the present moment is not overlooked, as long as gratitude rises for what is already here, as long as I do not base my happiness on what is still wanting. Thankfulness for what has already been given is the foundation for hoping for what is not yet…”

Comments

[A]

I'm glad you recorded this. It's completely from your heart, I can tell. And thoughts here that we should pause to contemplate. As a Benedictine, I am grappling with the impact/import of stability (something I have not had a lot of in my life quite frankly). This is a tough one for me, but so necessary for my formation something tells me.
Peace

[Caroline]

I resonate so much with your thoughts. I've been in single armed combat with God for the last year (me wanting a new job - God saying no)

There is a real craft, a skill that has to be practiced and developed, in being totally present in the now, to stop being anxious about getting to the right place.

I'm trying to learn, and it's good to know I have a partner in that learning!

[Dan-Monastic Skete]

Paul

Added link to my blog, Monastic Skete, today. Thanks.