Readings on living and dying – 2 – Chasing Daylight

Alan writes – Eugene O'Kelley, former KPMG CEO wrote his book Chasing Daylight” How My Forthcoming Death Transformed My Life, in the brief interlude between his dire cancer diagnosis and his death. I took two main things from the book.

Firstly the way he unwound relationships and secondly how he described the transition into death – unwinding. 

During the short time he had, Eugeneintentionally set about unwinding relationships. He made a list of people he wanted to unwind with and put them into one of six concentric circles.

In the outer layer were the names of people who because of shared experiences or shared passion had become friends

Next layer – close business associates

Next layer – life time friends

Next layer – immediate family

Next layer – children

Central circle – wife

He then proceeded to work from the outer circle inward. Writing letters, making phone calls and meeting with people, as it seemed most appropriate to wind up the relationship. This was tough work. But he said he did it because:

“I thought it would bring me and those with whom I was unwinding more pleasure than unhappiness (and, believe me, I realized just how much unhappiness would be involved).”

“It would occupy me in an important way, making me think deeply about things I felt I should think about, things most people probably should think about.

I was hard-wired by temperament and training for closure.

I could.”

As he thought of each person memories floated in. particularly memories of the things they had enjoyed together. Lessons learned through knowing them. The way knowing them had made him a better person. He said “unwinding relationships with close lifetime friends ran the gamut. It was easiest, I noticed, when my friends satisfied one or, more likely, both of these conditions; a belief in God or having an otherwise strong spiritual foundation, and a very solid marriage or partnership” (p.134).

Secondly, Transitioning.

was aware he was transitioning between one life and the other side. He described this saying:

“I’m sure you want to know. What did it feel like to be in this spiritual world? Words are not sufficient, I’m sorry to say, but I will try.

It was incredibly enjoyable.

It was an environment with amazing energy, tranquility, love.

It was comforting.

There was no tension.

Whatever was required of me to reach this state did not feel (while I was in it) as if it required discipline. Rather, it felt like a natural progression.

After I was in this state, I could ‘remember’ whatever natural phenomena existed in the area around me crisply – the touch of the breeze, the call of the birds, all of it. In a much more undiluted way…I was transitioning myself” (p.145).

In the end he wrote – “if you conquer your fear, you conquer your death” (p.162).

One of his very last words was to his wife – “please tell them …that there is no pain between this side and the other side” (p.167).

After he died his wife and sisters sat down and had a wine together – a good bottle of Gene’s wine...there would be time to grieve later. Now they celebrated that he had died well.

You can read reviews here and here.