Community and the Other

Paul writes – Ian Mobsby makes some good points in a recent reflection on “community.” I was struck again by the paradox that is both a desire and a longing for community, and at the same time a fear of community; a fear of being in relationship with others. Partly, as Ian notes, this can be because we have no idea or experience at living with people we might disagree with (though “marriage” can be an experience that many of us can draw lessons about community from).

Other reasons can include a fear of being ‘discovered’ for who I know I am below the surface; a fear of the loss of my own individual freedoms and space; a fear of the “other” who is not like me. I might be fearful of discovering that I really do need others. Often we resist community as a way of protecting our ego and its hold over our sense of ‘self’ – our sense of who we are. Community and friendship, particularly as they deepen can be ego-bruising experiences.

Finally we often resist communion-with-others because of past experiences, experiences of friendship, marriage, church and community that haven’t gone as we would have liked – they’ve left us hurting and broken in a whole myriad of ways – large and small.  We long for the “other”, for friendship, for closeness; we long for the others amongst whom we can be ourselves and amongst who we discover ourselves loved and cared for. People amongst whom we discover ourselves loved and held by God.

We discover again, in this midst of these diverse others, the capacity and the courage to journey (again) the costly way of love.

Here’s something of Ian’s post:

“… [I]ndividualism has become so intrinsic to life that many people have grown up with no idea about non-individualistic ways of living. Literally without the skills to do community. So extreme has this become, that many people desire community but fear it in equal measure, partly as they have no idea how to live with people you disagree with, people you find it difficult to be around, being able to tolerate, able to find consensus, able to think of others before yourself. Many have no idea where to start…

In many ways – Christian communities such as Moot are opportunities for people to learn such skills in their human becoming, a holistic whole of life approach to Christian discipleship. As such, the emerging church is seeking something that is profoundly counter cultural and hard work, but something absolutely vital to building healthy church and growing community.”

You can read the whole post here.

Comments

[Gary Manders]

From personal experience I would say that Mosby is on the money about our mutual fear and desire for community. Some good points Paul, keep up the good work.

[Paul Fromont]

Thanks Gary. Since posting it I've had a chance to further reflect on experiences of church, from out of the context of time spent with good friends.

There are some real challenges and opportunities for churches, perhaps more so those that are new church plants - new opportunities unburdened by an often unhealthy history of communal ways of relating that can be present in established congregations (e.g. they can often be a lot more politicised around power structures and people who are holders of power).