Paul writes – Over the course of this year, I often had reason to reflect on experiences reflected in the following three quotes. Couple these with the number of times I’ve heard someone (myself included) say that their experience of church and church belonging has been the most hurtful experience of their adult lives.
What is it about churches that make this statement and the following so true? What needs to change?
The following quote is a statement made by Marion Leach Jacobsen approx. 30-years ago, but it seems to me to still have currency in far to many of our contemporary church contexts.
“…Our churches are filled with people who outwardly look contented and at peace but inwardly are crying out for someone to love them… just as they are – confused, frustrated, often frightened, guilty, and often unable to communicate even within their own families. But the other people in the church look so happy and contented that one seldom has the courage to admit his [/her] own deep needs before a such a self-sufficient group as the average church meeting appears to be…”
This quote also reflects something of what many people experience within churches and also when they no longer go to church, but encounter Christians:
“Why are so many Christians so obnoxious and mean-spirited? It seems like Christianity’s mostly about being judgemental, narrow-minded, and having an infuriatingly condescending attitude toward anyone who isn’t a Christian [or doesn’t believe in the way they believe]. Christians are so busy being smug about being Christian that they forget to be kind.” (John Shore)
And this from Mike Riddell, Mark Pierson and Cathy Kirkpatrick in their excellent book, The Prodigal Project:
“…The church accepts no responsibility for the increasing tide of disaffection, but rather wants to call into question the integrity of those who have been alienated…”
We all remember and tell the tales of those poisonous personalities we've met in churches and life - it's important to us to identify their hypocrisy and their falling short of the Christian ideal. It helps us cope a little better with what they do to us.
But Christians are human beings, and the organisations they are part of - churches, church organisations etc - suffer from the the same problems as other organisaitons and tehse need to be worked at. Unfortunately it's often easier to walk away than put in the extra effort - I've left a parish myself after repeated harrassment from a small côterie of malign or uncouragous members.
But telling the other story of teh fun Christians out there who are trying somehow to live out what they believe is not so much fun is it - and it's a lot more difficult as well.
And of course the real question is are we called to be nice or are we called to follow the path of the kingdom...
I'm not interested in niceness, I dispair when churches and church organisations treat people much worse than in the private sector.
Maybe the pressure to be good makes us worse? Also believing publicly in something makes Christianseasy targets for accusations of hypocrisy - and yes some of us are plain nasty - at least some of the time - and of course we make mistakes as well.
Posted by: jane stranz | Tuesday, 10 June 2008 at 05:51 PM