Prodigal Kiwi(s) Blog

From Blaming to Forgiving

“…Our most painful suffering often comes from those who love us and those we love.  The relationships between husband and wife, parents and children, brothers and sisters, teachers and students, pastors and parishioners - these are where our deepest wounds occur.  Even late in life, yes, even after those who wounded us have long since died, we might still need help to sort out what happened in these relationships. The great temptation is to keep blaming those who were closest to us for our present, condition saying:  "You made me who I am now, and I hate who I am."  The great challenge is to acknowledge our hurts and claim our true selves as being more than the result of what other people do to us.  Only when we can claim our God-made selves as the true source of our being will we be free to forgive those who have wounded us…” 

~ Henri Nouwen.

Tim Costello, Hope, Faith, Aid and Development

Having had the privilege of having a couple of great meals with World Vision Australia Chief Executive Tim Costello it was great to find this short little video on Jason Goroncy’s blog ealier in the week. Tim is talking about the role of faith in aid and development. Thanks Jason.

p.s. If you haven’t read his little book Hope: Moments of Inspiration in a Challenging World it’s worth it. Lot’s of short reflections, including one on his experience with Bono from U2. It’s a book I haven’t read from cover-to-cover, but is one I randomly dip into, reading a chapter or two at a time.

Here’s another video clip, more specifically on the book Hope

True Hospitality

Today two dear friends celebrate a wedding anniversary. Two friends who embody the truths of the following quote by Henri Nouwen. 

“…Every good relationship between two or more people, whether it is friendship, marriage, or community, creates space where strangers can enter and become friends.  Good relationships are hospitable.  When we enter into a home and feel warmly welcomed, we will soon realise that the love among those who live in that home is what makes that welcome possible. When there is conflict in the home, the guest is soon forced to choose sides.  "Are you for him or for her?"  "Do you agree with them or with us?"  "Do you like him more than you do me?"  These questions prevent true hospitality - that is, an opportunity for the stranger to feel safe and discover his or her own gifts.  Hospitality is more than an expression of love for the guest.  It is also and foremost an expression of love between the hosts…”

Review: How to Be A Bad Christian … and A Better Human Being by Dave Tomlinson.

One of the most grounded and indeed, encouraging, books I read last year was How to Be A Bad Christian… And a Better Human Being (pub Aug. 2012) by Dave Tomlinson. I loved the subtitle, and understand why the title was what it was, but it felt a little ironic, for shouldn’t a “Christian”, a Jesus-follower, be a person becoming a “better human being”…? After all, isn’t Jesus the “second adam”? The fullest revelation of what it means to be a fully human being? 

I still read Jesus through the lense of one of the most helpful academic essay’s I’ve read; one that has journeyed with me since 1991. The essay was titled Christ’s Humanity and Ours: John Owen by Alan Spence (published in Person’s Divine and Human edited by Christoph Schwobel & Colin Gunton). 

In essence, I take Spence to be arguing, in conversation with English Puritan divine John Owen (1616-1683), that Jesus’ humanity is in everyway just like ours. Jesus’ humanity formed, grew, and developed as he grew in his experience of himself, the world and of God. He experienced all that we experience as human beings, his whole life being a “prototype” of renewed humanity. Or as John Owen was want to say, we have borne the ‘image of the first Adam’ in our fallenness and brokenness so that we could bear the ‘image of the second’ in our renovation. “Jesus’ humanity was such that his experience of God was in no way qualitively different from the possibilities that are open to us. So, for Owen and Spence, and indeed me, the role of the Spirit acting upon and within our humanity and human experience and activity becomes critical in us becoming more deeply, fully human, free, and alive. In other words, more Christlike. “For we become fully human only as we are conformed to the one whom God put forward as the exemplar of true human existence. For me, then, our destiny is not that we become divine but rather that we might finally become truly human. 

And so, back to Dave’s book, which is ultimately a book that encourages us to become more fully human, individually and relationally after the example of Jesus Christ. 

Dave is cogniscant of the experience of many that find themselves having to stray away from the church in order to find and experience God. It’s likely too that he would agree with me that many stray away from church in order to find themselves and in that process to find God as well. Sadly, and this is true of my experience, too many churches rather than humanizing us actually de-humanise us, leaving us less than we are called to be  - persons becoming more fully human and thus more Christlike, not apart from our everyday realities, suffering etc, but in the midst of them. 

Fantasy: "...If I Marry the Right Person I Will Be Happy..."

As part of my occasional reflections on marriage I want to highlight an article that was front page of our regional newspaper last Saturday. 

In part if offered the following as “keys to a successful relationship”: 

 

1. A marriage needs maintenance – it will breakdown without it.
2. Marriage is designed to reveal our past hurts and wounds but it is also the place where they can be healed.
3. Don’t all for the fantasy that if I married the right person I would be happy.
4. You are supposed to be different. If you were not taught how to resolve conflict then every issue will be a battle where you either blow up or clam up, and it will stay that way until you learn some new skills [I’d recommend Conflict in Relationships: Understand It, Overcome It by Sara Savage & Eolene Boyd-MacMillan, pub 2010 – Paul].
5. Get good help right from the start. Don’t leave it or ignore it because the longer it goes on, the longer it will take to fix.
6. Unconditional love is a parent/child concept. A healthy marriage has unconditional commitment to working through whatever comes up. Feelings come and go.
7. A healthy marriage is one that is good for both people and worth every bit of effort invested. 

Any “keys” you might want to add from your experience…? 

Download Marriage - Waikato Times - 6th October 2012

Morton T. Kelsey – How to Listen

“Real listening is a kind of prayer, for as we listen, we penetrate through the human ego and hear the Spirit of God, which dwells in the heart of everyone. Real listening is a religious experience. Often, when I have listened deeply to another, I have the same sense of awe as when I have entered into a holy place and communed with the heart of being itself.” 

– Morton T. Kelsey, Through Defeat To Victory 

TEN STEPS TO LISTENING, BY MORTON KELSEY 

1. CEASE TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF AND BE SILENT. 
2. BE SILENT WITH THE OTHER PERSON IN AN ACTIVE WAY: open, active, receptive, alive, without letting your mind wander or daydream. Keep eye contact, let your body language tell the person you care.
3. LISTENING INVOLVES PATIENCE. It may take a period of time before the person trusts you enough to tell you what he/she really wants to let you know.
4. AFTER YOU HAVE LISTENED CAREFULLY AND REFLECTIVELY, YOU NEED TO REFLECT BACK WHAT YOU HAVE HEARD, and ask for more details. This is called feedback on what you have heard.
5. LISTENING IS A GIFT WHICH ONLY A FEW PEOPLE ARE BORN WITH, BUT IT CAN BE LEARNED. Having learned how to listen, don’t ever let it be rote.
6. LISTENING OFTEN INVOLVES SHARING OURSELVES. People who come to us need to know that we are wounded too. This sharing is mostly to put the other person at ease, and is never more than the person can bear to hear. The troubled person coming to be listened to should not become my therapist! We listeners are the wounded healer.
7. WE USUALLY MUST LISTEN TO THE MORE SUPERFICIAL LEVELS OF COMPLAINT BEFORE WE ARE LET INTO THE DEEPER AND MORE VULNERABLE PLACES. If we pass the first test of acceptance, then a dam breaks and the whole human pours forth. It is hard to hear this kind of pain, but if we do not listen to this dark side of others, we seldom see these people in depth. They remain for us like a child’s painting—with no shadow or perspective or depth.
8. BEYOND THE DARKNESS/SHADOW LIES A BEAUTY WE NEVER KNEW EXISTED. In this deepest level of the human psyche we discover that within another human being we have communion with God.
9. LISTENING REQUIRES A PRIVATE AND QUIET PLACE. Usually an hour at a time is enough for most people.
10. LISTENING USUALLY MEANS HOLDING MY OWN CONCLUSIONS IN ABEYANCE—until the other comes to his/her conclusions. Whenever I argue or interrupt, I probably have a sensitive spot in my own being that has been struck, and my attitude stops fruitful communication. I give unsolicited advice only when I see pitfalls the other hasn’t which might destroy the other person.
11. OUR ONLY TASK IN LISTENING IS TO ENABLE THE OTHER: to grow, to take responsibility for his/her own life, to form his/her value system, and to come to own full potential by his/her own choice.

Brian Walsh and Sylvia Keesmaat Interviewed

Brian Walsh and Sylvia Keesmaat were recently in Australia for the TEAR 2012 National Conference (July 2012). In the interview they talk about sustainable living, taking as their inspiration Canadian musician Bruce Cockburn. 

You can find the Sunday Nights ABC Local interview here. 

Sylvia and Brian are currently working on a book project entitled Romans Disarmed.

Practised Theology

I have a huge regard for Australian Catholic Theologian Terry A. Veling, both from the articles he’s written, including a brilliant one several years ago on “Spiritual Reading” published in Tjurunga – that introduced me to Ivan Illich’s book In the Vineyard of the Text. 

My first introduction to Veling came via the Australasian theological journal Pacifica, specifically the February 1996 issue and his very evocative essay Marginal Writing and Marginal Communities: Between Belonging and Non-Belonging. Here’s the abstract. 

"What does it mean to live “in the margins of tradition”? Many intentional Christian communities occupy this space of marginality, living on the edge of a tradition in which they feel both the need to belong and the impossibility of belonging. Marginal hermeneutics suggests that the interpretive space of “the margins” is a creative, productive, vital site of receptive and critical engagement with a tradition’s enriching and distorting effects, and with our own contemporary questions and concerns." 

It was therefore a delight to be reminded of the last book of his that I added to my library, was his 2005 publication Practical Theology:"On Earth as It Is in Heaven" which interestingly had my favorite Michael Leunig cartoon on its front cover; a cartoon that has meant so much to me and my journey. 

Who reminded me of this book? Simon Carey Holt in a recent post. Here’s an excerpt: 

“…According to Veling, the discipline, at its best, reclaims the ‘reintegration of theology into the weave and fabric of human living, in which theology becomes a practice or a way of life.’ For Veling, practical theology is ‘less a thing to be defined than it is an activity to be done.’ It is the practice of theology, not a pre-packaged box of propositions, but a theology discerned and known in the midst of the encounters and experiences of daily life. 

This jells so much with my own experience. For me, the life-giving nature of theology has never been in its provision of a speculative and grand system of thought through which every situation of life can be interpreted. Rather, it’s about a way of knowing and understanding that flows out of and into experience—mine, yours, ours. For that reason, theology has always been for me more fluid than solid, more open than settled, more pervasive than undergirding. 

Veling says it well: ‘Practical theology wants to keep our relationship with the world open, so that we are never quite done with things; rather, always undoing and redoing them, so that we can keep the doing happening, passionate, keen, expectant—never satisfied, never quite finished. … Practical theology is suspicious of any theology that is too solid, too well-built, too built-up. Rather it is a theology that is given over to a passion for what could yet be, what is still in-the-making, in process, not yet, still coming.’…” 

You can read Simon’s complete post here. 

Compassionate Justice

Prof. Chris Marshall is a wonderful kiwi NT Theologian. He was in Hamilton a month or so ago to talk about some of the themes of his latest book Compassionate Justice: An Interdisciplinary Dialogue with Two Gospel Parables on Law, Crime, and Restorative Justice – published 01 August 2012. 

The book is described by the publisher in the following way: 

“Two parables that have become firmly lodged in popular consciousness and affection are the parable of the Good Samaritan and the parable of the Prodigal Son. These simple but subversive tales have had a significant impact historically on shaping the spiritual, aesthetic, moral, and legal traditions of Western civilization, and their capacity to inform debate on a wide range of moral and social issues remains as potent today as ever. Noting that both stories deal with episodes of serious interpersonal offending, and both recount restorative responses on the part of the leading characters, Compassionate Justice draws on the insights of restorative justice theory, legal philosophy, and social psychology to offer a fresh reading of these two great parables. It also provides a compelling analysis of how the priorities commended by the parables are pertinent to the criminal justice system today. The parables teach that the conscientious cultivation of compassion is essential to achieving true justice. Restorative justice strategies, this book argues, provide a promising and practical means of attaining to this goal of reconciling justice.” 

William Cavanaugh, whose in Wellington shortly describes the book in this way: 

"This is how political theology ought to be done. Marshall takes the fundamentally local problem of how communities restore relationships broken by criminal behavior and applies the insights of Jesus' best-known parables. Marshall shuttles back and forth between the biblical narratives and the best of social science to enhance both . . . I felt like I was reading Jesus' parables for the first time, and I also learned to think in new ways about criminal justice."

—William T. Cavanaugh, Senior Research Professor, DePaul University 

Needless, anything by Chris Marshall is worth a read, and I shall look forward to engaging with the content of the book in due course. 

For those living in the Waikato, Anglican Action are organizing a book launch, with Chris, early next month in Hamilton.

A flyer is attached, as is one for William Cavanaugh’s visit. 

Download Chris Marshall book launch Sept 2012

Download William Cavanaugh - NZ Visit - 2012 - Flyer

Bringing Theology to Life

Serendipity always makes me wonder why – where and what is the gift of the present moment? Where is the invitation? Aussie blogging friend Simon Carey Holt reflects on the kind of theology that it “practically impractical”, and more significantly (and this is the serendipitous moment for me) he references one of the most influential books I’ve read, Robert J. Banks’ Redeeming the Routines: Bringing Theology to Life. My copy being the original Australian published edition, titled All the Business of Life: Bringing Theology Down to Earth (1987). This PDF of the outline of a course that Banks is facilitating later this year in Singapore gives you a good sense of his theological range.  

“Banks,” Simon notes, “addresses the struggle of theologians to get really practical: 

‘A theological analysis of an issue may be clear and accurate, but what about the prescription for dealing with it? All too often this is very general. Only rarely will the theologian provide an operational model for what might be done and offer practical recommendations or examples drawn from first-hand experience. We are left up in the air, tantalized by a vision of what is possible, but without the means of realising it.’ (Robert Banks)… 

Banks again:

‘If you ask a representative sample of churchgoers whether faith and life ought to be in harmony, they will answer with a resounding ‘yes’. The rub comes when you put the question in a specific way, in relation to a particular aspect of work or area of responsibility. For example, if you are a homemaker and I ask you whether your religious convictions should influence the way you bring up your family and relate to your neighbours, you will probably nod your head in agreement. But then if I ask you whether these convictions have as clear and direct an influence on the kind of house you have, area you live in and the means of commuting you use, you will probably pause to think.’ 

Simon continues: “When it comes to practice, perhaps theologians–perhaps all of us–struggle to get particular because to do so scrapes too closely to the bone…” 

There’s a lot of Banks’ approach in how I think Simon does theology. Like Banks, Simon “exegetes the
everyday biblically” and over the years I’ve gotten the sense that Banks has been both a friend and a mentor to Simon as he’s worked “between the two horizons of Word and world.” 

If you’ve never read Banks you should. Start with the book highlighted above. And, if you can secure a copy, read the Simon Holt and Gordon Preece edited festschrift The Bible and the Business of Life (the Amazon link has the “look inside” option so you can see the contents page etc), an outstanding collection of essays written to mark Bank’s 65^th birthday. Simon and Brenda (not “Benda” as the typo in the author attribution suggests), his wife, have a wonderful jointly written essay titled: Verandah’s and God: A Personal Reflection on Spirituality and the Built Environment. Its great!

You can read Simon's full post, here.